Question; How Do I Deal With an Abusive Parent?
“I am a 13 year old Christian boy. My dad has been verbally abusing me with loud shouting and threading me physically to me and my brothers. His anger came from my grandfather abusing him and my dad and my grandfather relationship are not healthy. I was never able to see my grandfather that much as my mom’s father. He would shout at us when my mom isn’t at home. He would try to punish us in a way that it will scare us and hurt us. I think it’s affecting me mentally,socially. He tried to feed us cow stomach for some reason and he got mad because I didn’t like it. I have a lot of stress from him. He blames that I told on my mother that he was angry which I haven’t recently. His shouting is so loud the people can hear him next door. It’s hard for me to respect my dad if he and emotionally verbally abuse me. My ears hurt because he shouts so loud. He says people like me are the worst humans. Now I don’t know what I did wrong to anger him and I am very confused. I think I have anxiety disorder because I feel like harming myself sometimes. He says he’s trying control his anger. He’s lectures me that I have to choose a career even though I want to still have few more years to think about it. I feel confused, scared, hurt and sad. I’m scared of myself if ever abuse my child. Please help what to do. I am going to pray for my dad and myself.”
Answer: Dealing with Abusive Parents?
Very hard to advise as I don’t really know the situation there. Sounds like your father had a rough time so that anger is hard to deal with for him and you. When the situation you describe happens, you must try to stand back and remind yourself why someone does something and then try to forgive over and over – very hard to forgive but if you don’t you get ill – don’t fight back with the verbal stuff. Show no resistance and you may see a change in him over time – Ive seen this work several times. Obviously physical abuse is different and self defence no problem but avoid physical confrontation at all cost.
Please don’t harm yourself – you are no worse than any other human I promise and made in image of God! Ive been so stressed I know what that felling is like to want to hurt yourself. You gotta keep busy – keep learning new things that will help you later in life – watch some inspirational videos then maybe get off the PC and outside make sure you are with people.
