Question to ChristianAdvice;
Dear brother or sister,
I am from India. I am 33 years old man. I am married last year April and my wife is pregnant now.
She is actually due in a few days.
But the problem is that we had a lot of fights which never kind of resolved. We are living separately for the past 6 months.
I have been contemplating divorce.
I don’t know what she wants but I feel I can’t stay with her anymore.
The other issue now is that I started talking to one of uncle’s daughter and came to know that she loves me and wanted to wait for me. She decided that she would not get married if she can’t get married to me. I met her recently and unfortunately we had been intimate physically.
Now I am pretty much in a big mess. And I don’t know what to do.
I am sorry I don’t know if I can ask things like this.
But please help me if you can. I didn’t tell this to anyone till now.
If you have to publish thus, please change my name and personal information.
I am sorry – it sounds like a very difficult situation you are in. First things first – despite what many modern preachers will tell you I do not believe divorce is an ‘option’ for Christians on a plain reading of the Bible and Jesus’ words when he clearly says; “it was not that way in the beginning” making the unmistakable point that in the beginning things were instituted the correct way.
Having said that, divorce cannot be an unforgivable sin if you already did it, but I would recommend every effort is made to keep to your words for both of yours sakes – and this may mean making changes in YOURSELF first – even if you think all the blame lies at the other persons’ door. God is not apparently interested in who’s right and wrong as divorce is not an option – people are incompatible period so it’s not and never was about finding the right – ‘compatible’ person. It was and always is about becoming the right person.
I don’t know if you are Christian or not. I if you are – I recommend you pray and ask God what He wants before you ask go ahead and try to get what you want. God never intends for people to divorce – one reason is because of children need their mum and father, but I realise sometimes people have to separate and things can become extremely tough.
Regarding the other lady, I would repent of this and then try to make changes in yourself, so that you do not argue with your wife even when she is not rational, and you two may be reconciled. I realise its a two-sided situation and she has to make changes also and meet you half-way. Forgiveness is always the key. Forgive forgive and swallow pride.
Marriage is not about finding the ‘right’ person – there is no right person, and we are all incompatible because we are all inherently selfish. Marriage is about loving someone even when they are not very loveable – and each person becoming the right person for the other person, forgiving, and changing ones own habits and ones own personality to be better. If both people do that then you have hope to stay together and be happy. This would mean stop seeing and talking to the other lady completely. I’m afraid it is not about what she wants – you are a married man and she should know better.
Ask father God what you need. That is the best I can advise as He knows all things and what you both need!
God bless you both and I pray you can be reconciled.