Feeling Despondent About Christian Men in Churches Today

I shared with a guy on a Christian dating site him he needed to be born again. This is the truth but he has no concept of this. I’d have left it there but thought he had contacted me again . It’s so difficult to find a Christian guy .I said to him this was a Christian site for those who love and know the Lord  and I believe it. But some men on here don’t even know what a Christian is and don’t even worship God in church .
I’ve had them tell me they “follow their heart not a religion”, they  don’t need to read the Bible or don’t believe the Bible, they don’t need to go to church  and only believe in the values of Christianity. So many different thoughts but no good for those of us who are passionate and in love with Jesus because we have had a transforming revelation of who Jesus is. It’s not fair not to tell them the truth so I do . When we get to heaven how bad will it be if we haven’t given someone the choice to know Jesus in spirit and in truth.
He has reported me for telling him the truth. I have an evangelical heart as should we all. I’m not judging anyone – just telling them the truth .
I do get frustrated waiting to meet the right man for me and get so upset. It’s so difficult . 
Thank you.

Our Reply
I understand your frustration – I was in several minds a few years back about the Bible / which one / who wrote it etc – having gone to an evangelical church myself and been weaned on the NIV and realised just from my own reading all kinds of subtle issues – and I even stopped church myself for a while as so many people had different ideas I felt a hypocrite for not knowing what was what. 
So I asked God to help me and it all straightened out when I read the KJV – no more contradictions and now I firmly believe the Bible is inspired. But what I’m really saying is – I understand with todays young preachers and 100 different bibles and rock churches why people dilute the bible’s importance – the world and the bible don’t mix very well.
Many folks in churches don’t even know what the 10 commandments like say they would 100 years ago – and so to some degree it’s not their fault – its their teachers who should know better. So I try to be a little easier on people as it clear we all only see in part.
But yes – its true – there is a problem and shortage of the sort of fervent people you are looking for – I guess thats why I started fusion – because really the churches should take care of this issue completely – it would be quite easy to solve but they like to remain compartmentalised.
Oh onwards and upwards!:)
God bless you

Christian Dating Questions

Do you have Christian dating questions? If you have you can email them to us here anonymously and we will post an answer also anonymously. Anything from singleness, how best to meet other Christians, should you only date other believers, to love, to sex before marriage, to compatibility. For now though check out our recommended dating tips and advice guide here for lots of dating and advice for single Christians; Christian dating advice guide >>

Recommended books on Christian dating.

Divorce & Remarriage: Is Marriage after Divorce Adultery?

“Hi, my question is regarding re-marriage – is divorce and remarriage adultery? I am engaged to a man that has been married once before, and now divorced.  During the marriage, both parties did things that could be considered unfaithful to one another.  Although neither person knew what the other had done. The marriage did not necessarily end due to the unfaithful acts. My questions are: 1) since my fiance committed an act of unfaithfulness towards his former wife, is he then always considered an adulterer, even if he has repented of his sin?  2) Is he allowed to be remarried and have it be ok in the eyes of God?  3) IF I marry him, will I then be committing sin and be considered an adulterer?  Thank you so much.”
Hi there,
On the question of is divorce and remarriage adultery? From my reading the Bible / Jesus is quite unambiguous as far as I can see about what is what – but he is also clear that forgiveness knows no bounds if it is sought earnestly.
The problem with this issue and others like it is that people tend to seek council of men who will say what they want to hear / fits with their circumstances/lifestyle – rather than what God says – and we all do it – Ive done it. Jesus didn’t say to the woman at the well – go back and marry all your ex-husbands – he said go and sin no more – ie move forward. We are all adulterers in terms of being unfaithful to God so I would seek God’s/Jesus council on this in the Bible so the sin of adultery within marriage is no better or worse than our sins against God generally. Question is – having done it what are we going to do about it?
Personally I would be cautious to marry a person whom I knew in advance had done this – not from a forgiveness point of view but from a behavioural point of view. Having said that these situations can be far from cut and dry and sometimes people are driven to it and regret it  – others just see it as an option if things aren’t going well. But that’s would be your call .
Apologies – I was rushing didn’t really answer the question directly – as I think you need to really ask God yourself with an open heart – to any answer He may give – not necessarily the one we want to hear – which is not easy.

But I do feel we need to call a spade a spade – just as Jesus did – in other words God doesn’t want anyone to divorce – ever – no matter what the circumstances – that seems crystal clear and Jesus even goes as far as to say Moses giving a divorce certificate was not Gods way but because of hardened hearts it was the only option – and I think nothing has changed today, people have not become more ‘godly’.

But Jesus having spelled out in black and white terms what divorce amounts to in God’s eyes – always goes on to offer a way forward – sin of adultery within marriage is no worse than our sins against God generally. Question is – having done it what are we going to do about it – are we not going to call it out for what it is going to do it again?

So my summary of this issue (my humble opinion – please read the Bible yourself);

If it has happened and there is no going back – and we are to enter into another marriage.. we definitely can’t go into it the same way as we did before – the way the liberal churches teach it (since 70% their tithing congregation are likely divorced and most would leave) that divorce is an option if things don’t turn out the way we want.

It’s not what we can get out of it – it’s what we can give – how we can become the right person – not finding the right person for us. No one is ‘compatible’ – we are all self-serving – it’s about becoming compatible.

So my opinion would be yes – according to Jesus one is an adulterer – but from the Bible it’s clear God is always willing to wipe the slate clean. And never forget as I mentioned before – we are ALL adulterers in God’s eyes.

This is a harsh teaching from Jesus but I think the whole point of marriage is commitment – and there is no real commitment if we feel there is always an option to bail out.

Divorce in The Bible

How Do I Spot a Dating Scammer?

Q: How Do I Spot a Dating Scammer?

Online dating scams are so prevalent these days that many people are actually scared to use the Internet to find a soulmate. Just look at the uproar surrounding the generally believed to be safe, and the world’s largest dating site ‘Match.com’ for an idea of how ‘good’ things can go bad. To be frank – almost all dating sites and matchmaking services are set up purely for profit and because of this, website owners in the main don’t really care about individuals – you – or your safety. They are interested in their wallet.

The best ‘solution’ to spotting scammers – is simply to make a rule never to send you meet anyone online money

The problem of romance scammers is most prevalent on free dating websites since there is no budget to weed out or vet individuals (there is one exception – the free site www.fusion101.com – owned and run by Christians and setup – purely to help Christian singles get married!)

Having said that, if you use a decent pay service – that will straight away eliminate a good proportion of scammers that are abroad – but of course it won’t protect you from people who can afford to pay but still have suspect motives and are looking for hookups and all the rest (if you are Christian and use a genuine Christian singles owned and run website you may be spared of much of this as the people on there in the main will be God fearing folk looking for like-minded people).

Spotting Internet Dating Scammers and Dating Con Artists

Below is a link to very in-depth guide as to how you can use the web to meet new singles and stay safe online.  Make sure you read all the way down to the end as there are some bullet points that will make you pretty scam-proof once you have read them! Of course – you can avoid any financial cons and con-artists by making a rule RIGHT NOW to NEVER send money online to anyone you meet on the web. This may not save you some heartache and time wasted but it will save your bank account being raided by unscrupulous people. God bless you and here is there article; How to stop romace scammers

Is There a Biblical Reason We Should Not Wait Till After Marriage to have Sex?

QUESTION: “My boyfriend and I are 20 and 22 respectively and we have both already had sex with other people. We’ve always been Christians through our upbringing, but didn’t take the sex notion seriously. Since our previous relationships (6 months to a year ago) we’ve dedicated our hearts to the Lord! We are wondering if we should wait until marriage to have sex; we just started dating so marriage hasn’t been on the table, but neither of us has had a relationship without sex, and we want to do it right this time. I know premarital sex is a sin in the Bible, but is there a biblical reason we shouldn’t wait if we’ve already committed that sin?”

Our answer: The question you ask is: Is there a Biblical reason we SHOULDN’T wait till after marriage to have sex? The simple answer is: No. Nowhere in the Bible will you find a reason to have full intercourse outside a committed marriage relationship.

But the other question is, do you understand why sex outside marriage is ‘a sin’ according to the Bible? It is because, however enjoyable it might be at the time, in the end it is destructive rather than constructive.

This is because – as the Bible also tells us – full intercourse is special and unites two people in ways nothing else can; involves us sharing the deepest and most precious parts of ourselves; and works best against the background of a reliable long-term relationship. In God’s view, the only person who deserves to ‘know’ us in the way full intercourse allows them to is someone who loves us and is committed to us for life.

Sex before marriage can have these consequences:

  1. If the relationship ends, separation is that much more painful and difficult, with soul ties needing to be broken.
  2. The more different sexual partners we have the more of ourself we give away to people who don’t deserve us. So the more self-respect we give away, and the more people (through our memory) encroach into our ultimate marriage bed.
  3. If you have had full sexual intercourse with people other than your eventual husband or wife, you diminish the extent to which you have something special to give to them.

There are two final practical considerations:

  1. There is always the possibility of a pregnancy, and thus a child that will have to be brought up with a single parent.
  2. Sex with someone other than our long-term partner will always necessitate some cleansing and healing. This can be accomplished by God’s Spirit, but we can never be returned to the same pure and innocent state that we were in before.

It sounds as if you have now gone a long way in this self-healing process. What a shame it would be compound the damage (that is, the part of it that cannot be erased) and to have to start all over again with the process of healing what can be healed.

The longer you abstain from full intercourse the more your self-respect, purity, and wholeness will grow, and the more special this will be in your ultimate marriage, and the less second-hand will be the gift of yourself to your future husband or wife.

The more you abstain, the more also you can concentrate undistracted on the most important part of a relationship – that of becoming friends and discovering whether you are compatible as people. Sexual activity clouds our judgment in other areas of a relationship.

Lastly, the Bible tells us that any sexual contact you have with someone who is not your husband or wife, the more you steal from their ultimate husband or wife. (1 Thess 4:6) A useful guideline is to ask yourself this: if I were now watching my true, ultimate lifetime partner, the one I would someday come to adore, what would I be happy to see them doing, or how far would I be happy to see them going, with someone else before they met me?

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