The
Four Loves
In
'what is love', we made the distinction between Divine
or gift-love (so called because it demands nothing in
return and is closest to love himself) and the 'natural'
or need-loves (so called because they are earthly human
loves - born of a need to be loved).
We
can divide the need loves into, affection, friendship,
Eros,and add them to charity (divine love)
- making our four loves!
affection (natural love1) - affection for things
and people friendship (natural love2) - brotherly
love
Eros (natural love3) - the love of love charity (Divine love) - the love of giving
love 1) Affection
This
is an amazing form of love. It's quiet and comfortable. It's
not proud. You can be affectionate towards someone who ordinarily
you'd dislike! "That old so and so". Affection also
can exist on its own, apart from the other loves. Like affection
for a favourite jacket or a familiar sound or smell. When
affection enters the other loves, the whole experience is
more colourful - the difference between a friend and an old
friend! It is quite difficult to build any of the other loves
without some sort of affection fisrt. Affection teaches us
first to notice, endure, and appreciate ordinary people.
(Of course there's no such thing as an ordinary person)
Affection allows an appreciation of things we never thought
possible, and creates a platform for the other loves. It unites
the un-unitable!
"Dogs
and cats should be brought up together, it broadens their
minds!"
love
2) Friendship
To
the ancients, friendship was the happiest and fully human
of loves! In comparison the modern world ignores it - "
a man needs few friends" It's a side order - not a main
course in life's banquette! Few value it as few really experience
it. Friendship is a love we can live without and is often
discouraged among the subjects of leaders and who fear revolt.
Lovers talk about their love but friends rarely talk about
friendship. Lovers are face to face but friends point in the
same direction with common interests. One person can't bring
out all anothers facets. We need others to do this. We need
to share our friends to possess them more fully. Friendship
is the least jealous of the loves - two friends delight in
being joined by a third!
To have friends you have to want something more than friends
(ie a common ground). Friendship between sexes. When two people of the opposite
sex discover they are on the same road, friendship may pass
quickly into erotic love! - joint seekers of the same beauty
- same God!
What's the value of friendship? Interestingly we can do
without friendship unlike eros and affection which are necessary
for surviva!
(non of us would be born without Eros or raised without affection!)
But friendship like art or the universe itself are free gifts
and give life a real value! Most often the two sexes meet
in Eros and affection but less often in friendship. Accordingly
most friendships are between men/men and women/women. But
watch out - what is sometimes offered in friendship can be
mistaken for Eros!
love 3) Eros-
being in love! Eros
starts with a delightful general preoccupation with the beloved
in totality. Someone in this state is not thinking sex - however
there's more than likely an underlying sexual attraction!
Eros creates a mysterious desire for one particular women
- as opposed to Venus - the sexual element within Eros, that
just wants the sensual (sexuality can operate with or without
Eros). Eros invades and reorganises the institutions of ones
personality one by one, obliterating the distinction between
giving and receiving - both are a pleasure! All this happens
before the sexual element is reached! Eros alone is not enough
for a relationship to survive. Commitment and discipline is
also needed. Most of our ancestors were married off early
because society knew that marriage didn't depend on Eros-
'falling in love' - they did right! Many people think that
the carnal element within Eros is best kept to a minimum to
preserve the purity of a relationship. St Paul however is
more concerned about marriage itsef being a distraction from
God (need to be constantly pleasing and pleased) rather than
the marriage bed. With regads to sex within marriage all he
says is 'avoid prolonged abstinance from it'! did
you know? when
Jackdaws are amorous their calls consist mainly of infantile
sounds. Humans
adults exhibit the same behavior and like the jackdaw it's
reserved for only these occasions - also known as baby talk!
love 4) charity Charity is the love that wants nothing
in return (given freely) and its primal source is God. Paradoxically
we are allowed to share in this divine love and give to the
God that already has everything by withholding or giving ourselves
to him. The natural loves, affection, friendship and Eros,
left to themselves eventually go bad on us and need Charity
in order to stay sweet. Like a garden they spring up from
the ground (notice it has to be fertile first!) bringing forth
beauty but must come under God's authority or they become
unmanageable! Keep the ground fertile by looking after yourself
in all areas -spiritually, mentally and physically. You'll
then be in good shape to give and your relationships will
be stronger. A good test of character is how you respond to
Charity. If you can take it sweetly you're probably stronger
than you think as receiving can be harder than giving!
What the Bible says about friendship - an important
love
Real
friendship involves loyalty, Proverbs 17:17, TAB.
"A true friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help
in time of need."
The best friend to have is Jesus, John 15:15, IV.
"I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not
know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends,
for everything that I learned from My Father I have made known
to you."
Choose
friends who have pure hearts, II Timothy 2:22, TAB.
"Run from anything that gives you the evil thoughts that
young men often have, but stay close to anything that makes
you want to do right. Have faith and love, and enjoy the companionship
of those who love the Lord and have pure hearts."
What
characteristics make you a good friend? Philippians 2:3-4,
TLB.
"Don't be selfish; don't live to make a good impression on
others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself.
Don't just think about your own affairs, but be interested
in others, too, and in what they are doing."
Gossip
can destroy friendships, Proverbs 16:28, NIV.
"A gossip separates close friends"
Friends are worth keeping, Proverbs 27:9-10, TLB.
"Never abandon a friend - either yours or your father's. Then
you won't need to go to a distant relative for help in your
time of need."
A friend is honest with you even if it hurts. Proverbs
27:6, TLB.
"Wounds from a friend are better than kisses from an enemy!"
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To
the ancients, friendship was the happiest and fully human
of loves! In comparison the modern world ignores it - "
a man needs few friends" It's a side order - not a main
course in life's banquette! Few value it as few really experience
it. Friendship is a love we can live without and is often
discouraged among the subjects of leaders and who fear revolt.
Lovers talk about their love but friends rarely talk about
friendship. Lovers are face to face but friends point in the
same direction with common interests. One person can't bring
out all anothers facets. We need others to do this. We need
to share our friends to possess them more fully. Friendship
is the least jealous of the loves - two friends delight in
being joined by a third! 
Eros
starts with a delightful general preoccupation with the beloved
in totality. Someone in this state is not thinking sex - however
there's more than likely an underlying sexual attraction!
Eros creates a mysterious desire for one particular women
- as opposed to Venus - the sexual element within Eros, that
just wants the sensual (sexuality can operate with or without
Eros). Eros invades and reorganises the institutions of ones
personality one by one, obliterating the distinction between
giving and receiving - both are a pleasure! All this happens
before the sexual element is reached! Eros alone is not enough
for a relationship to survive. Commitment and discipline is
also needed. Most of our ancestors were married off early
because society knew that marriage didn't depend on Eros-
'falling in love' - they did right! Many people think that
the carnal element within Eros is best kept to a minimum to
preserve the purity of a relationship. St Paul however is
more concerned about marriage itsef being a distraction from
God (need to be constantly pleasing and pleased) rather than
the marriage bed. With regads to sex within marriage all he
says is 'avoid prolonged abstinance from it'! 
