Divorce and Remarriage; Is Marriage after Divorce Adultery?

“Hi, my question is regarding re-marriage. I am engaged to a man that has been married once before, and now divorced.  During the marriage, both parties did things that could be considered unfaithful to one another.  Although neither person knew what the other had done.  The marriage did not necessarily end due to the unfaithful acts. My questions are: 1) since my fiance committed an act of
unfaithfulness towards his former wife, is he then always considered an adulterer, even if he has repented of his sin?  2) Is he allowed to be remarried and have it be ok in the eyes of God?  3) IF I marry him, will I then be committing sin and be considered an adulterer?  Thank you so much.”
Hi there,
From my reading the Bible / Jesus is quite unambiguous as far as I can see about what is what – but he is also clear that forgiveness knows no bounds if it is sought earnestly.
The problem with this issue and others like it is that people tend to seek council of men who will say what they want to hear / fits with their circumstances/lifestyle – rather than what God says – and we all do it – Ive done it. Jesus didn’t say to the woman at the well – go back and marry all your ex-husbands – he said go and sin no more – ie move forward. We are all adulterers in terms of being unfaithful to God so I would seek God’s/Jesus council on this in the Bible so the sin of adultery within marriage is no better or worse than our sins against God generally. Question is – having done it what are we going to do about it?
Personally I would be cautious to marry a person whom I knew in advance had done this – not from a forgiveness point of view but from a behavioural point of view. Having said that these situations can be far from cut and dry and sometimes people are driven to it and regret it  – others just see it as an option if things aren’t going well. But that’s would be your call .
Update: 
Apologies – I was rushing didn’t really answer the question directly – as I think you need to really ask God yourself with an open heart – to any answer He may give – not necessarily the one we want to hear – which is not easy.

But I do feel we need to call a spade a spade – just as Jesus did – in other words God doesn’t want anyone to divorce – ever – no matter what the circumstances – that seems crystal clear and Jesus even goes as far as to say Moses giving a divorce certificate was not Gods way but because of hardened hearts it was the only option – and I think nothing has changed today, people have not become more ‘godly’.

But Jesus having spelled out in black and white terms what divorce amounts to in God’s eyes – always goes on to offer a way forward – sin of adultery within marriage is no worse than our sins against God generally. Question is – having done it what are we going to do about it – are we not going to call it out for what it is going to do it again?

So my summary of this issue (my humble opinion – please read the Bible yourself);

If it has happened and there is no going back – and we are to enter into another marriage.. we definitely can’t go into it the same way as we did before – the way the liberal churches teach it (since 70% their tithing congregation are likely divorced and most would leave) that divorce is an option if things don’t turn out the way we want.

It’s not what we can get out of it – it’s what we can give – how we can become the right person – not finding the right person for us. No one is ‘compatible’ – we are all self-serving – it’s about becoming compatible.

So my opinion would be yes – according to Jesus one is an adulterer – but from the Bible it’s clear God is always willing to wipe the slate clean. And never forget as I mentioned before – we are ALL adulterers in God’s eyes.

This is a harsh teaching from Jesus but I think the whole point of marriage is commitment – and there is no real commitment if we feel there is always an option to bail out.

Divorce in The Bible

Christian Divorce Help & Guide

open-bibleonwhiteWhat The Bible Say on Christian Divorce?

how long is marriage supposed to last? Romans 7:2, NIV.
“By law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage.” Christ recognizes only one valid ground for divorce. Matthew 5:32, NIV. “But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.”


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God is displeased with people who divorce faithful spouses. Malachi 2:14-16, TLB.
“Why has God abandoned us?” you cry. I’ll tell you why; it is because the Lord has seen your treachery in divorcing your wives who have been faithful to you through the years, the companions you promised to care for and keep. You were united to your wife by the Lord. In God’s wise plan, when you married, the two of you became one person in His sight. And what does He want? Godly children from your union. Therefore guard your passions! Keep faith with the wife of your youth. For the Lord, the God of Israel, says He hates divorce and cruel men. let there be no divorcing of your wives.”

Being married to an unbelieving mate is not an acceptable reason for divorce. I Corinthians 7:12-14, TLB.
“If a Christian has a wife who is not a Christian, but she wants to stay with him anyway, he must not leave her or divorce her. And if a Christian woman has a husband who isn’t a Christian, and he wants her to stay with him, she must not leave him. For perhaps the husband who isn’t a Christian may become a Christian with the help of his Christian wife. And the wife who isn’t a Christian may become a Christian with the help of her Christian husband. Otherwise, if the family separates, the children might never come to know the Lord; whereas a united family may, in God’s plan, result in the children’s salvation.”

If a spouse leaves a marriage for a reason other than adultery they must remain single. I Corinthians 7:10-11, TLB.
“Now, for those who are married I have a command, not just a suggestion. And it is not a command from me, for this is what the Lord Himself has said: A wife must not leave her husband. But if she is separated from him, let her remain single or else go back to him. And the husband must not divorce his wife.”

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Christian Divorce | Marital Closeness | Christian marriage books | The four Loves | godly wife | Christian commitment | The Godly Husband | what is love? | falling in love

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Christian Divorce Help & The Bible on Divorcing

Christian Help & Advice on Divorce: what the Bible Says About Divorcing your spouse – a Tough Stance

open-bibleonwhite

“For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “and [c]him who covers his garment with wrong,” says the Lord of hosts. “So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.” Malachi 2:16New American Standard Bible (NASB)

Here’s a few stats I pulled from a book – that’s probably now out of date but well illustrates the reality of relationships today. To get started. 50% of married couples stay together. Of those 50% have unfulfilled relationships and stay together out of loyal obligation. In Britain alone, 2/3rds of marriages end in divorce – that’s interesting!

If you’re feeling terrible about divorce or a situation you’re in – take heart. God’s not in the business of chastising people who have problems – even in this area – despite the Bible’s tough stance on the issue.

Are there any situations when it might be ok to divorce? My good Christian friend may be about to divorce. Totally unexpectedly his wife had an affair and has since refused to communicate on any reasonable level. As for The Bible, it’s clear but never dogmatic. It recognises that people fail and though not the will of God, – divorce does happen.

Divorce Advice: what The Bible Says On Divorcing

How Long is Marriage Supposed to Last? Romans 7:2. “By law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage.” Christ recognizes only one valid ground for divorce. Matthew 5:32, NIV. “But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.”

God is displeased with people who divorce faithful spouses. Malachi 2:14-16, TLB.
“Why has God abandoned us?” you cry. I’ll tell you why; it is because the Lord has seen your treachery in divorcing your wives who have been faithful to you through the years, the companions you promised to care for and keep. You were united to your wife by the Lord. In God’s wise plan, when you married, the two of you became one person in His sight. And what does He want? Godly children from your union. Therefore guard your passions! Keep faith with the wife of your youth. For the Lord, the God of Israel, says He hates divorce and cruel men. let there be no divorcing of your wives.”

Being married to an unbelieving mate is not an acceptable reason for divorce. I Corinthians 7:12-14, TLB.
“If a Christian has a wife who is not a Christian, but she wants to stay with him anyway, he must not leave her or divorce her. And if a Christian woman has a husband who isn’t a Christian, and he wants her to stay with him, she must not leave him. For perhaps the husband who isn’t a Christian may become a Christian with the help of his Christian wife. And the wife who isn’t a Christian may become a Christian with the help of her Christian husband. Otherwise, if the family separates, the children might never come to know the Lord; whereas a united family may, in God’s plan, result in the children’s salvation.”

If a spouse leaves a marriage for a reason other than adultery they must remain single. I Corinthians 7:10-11, TLB.
“Now, for those who are married I have a command, not just a suggestion. And it is not a command from me, for this is what the Lord Himself has said: A wife must not leave her husband. But if she is separated from him, let her remain single or else go back to him. And the husband must not divorce his wife.”

Buy Christian help books on Divorce >>

Related topics to Christian Divorce  Help & Advice

Christian Marriage | Christian singlenessMaritial Closeness | The four Loves | The good and godly wife | Christian commitment | The Godly Husband | what is real Christian love?

Christian Divorce advice, help and what The Bible says on divorcing your husband or wife at christianadvice.net 2004