“Hi, my question is regarding re-marriage. I am engaged to a man that has been married once before, and now divorced. During the marriage, both parties did things that could be considered unfaithful to one another. Although neither person knew what the other had done. The marriage did not necessarily end due to the unfaithful acts. My questions are: 1) since my fiance committed an act of
unfaithfulness towards his former wife, is he then always considered an adulterer, even if he has repented of his sin? 2) Is he allowed to be remarried and have it be ok in the eyes of God? 3) IF I marry him, will I then be committing sin and be considered an adulterer? Thank you so much.”
From my reading the Bible / Jesus is quite unambiguous as far as I can see about what is what – but he is also clear that forgiveness knows no bounds if it is sought earnestly.
The problem with this issue and others like it is that people tend to seek council of men who will say what they want to hear / fits with their circumstances/lifestyle – rather than what God says – and we all do it – Ive done it. Jesus didn’t say to the woman at the well – go back and marry all your ex-husbands – he said go and sin no more – ie move forward. We are all adulterers in terms of being unfaithful to God so I would seek God’s/Jesus council on this in the Bible so the sin of adultery within marriage is no better or worse than our sins against God generally. Question is – having done it what are we going to do about it?
Personally I would be cautious to marry a person whom I knew in advance had done this – not from a forgiveness point of view but from a behavioural point of view. Having said that these situations can be far from cut and dry and sometimes people are driven to it and regret it – others just see it as an option if things aren’t going well. But that’s would be your call .
Apologies – I was rushing didn’t really answer the question directly – as I think you need to really ask God yourself with an open heart – to any answer He may give – not necessarily the one we want to hear – which is not easy.
But I do feel we need to call a spade a spade – just as Jesus did – in other words God doesn’t want anyone to divorce – ever – no matter what the circumstances – that seems crystal clear and Jesus even goes as far as to say Moses giving a divorce certificate was not Gods way but because of hardened hearts it was the only option – and I think nothing has changed today, people have not become more ‘godly’.
But Jesus having spelled out in black and white terms what divorce amounts to in God’s eyes – always goes on to offer a way forward – sin of adultery within marriage is no worse than our sins against God generally. Question is – having done it what are we going to do about it – are we not going to call it out for what it is going to do it again?
So my summary of this issue (my humble opinion – please read the Bible yourself);
If it has happened and there is no going back – and we are to enter into another marriage.. we definitely can’t go into it the same way as we did before – the way the liberal churches teach it (since 70% their tithing congregation are likely divorced and most would leave) that divorce is an option if things don’t turn out the way we want.
It’s not what we can get out of it – it’s what we can give – how we can become the right person – not finding the right person for us. No one is ‘compatible’ – we are all self-serving – it’s about becoming compatible.
So my opinion would be yes – according to Jesus one is an adulterer – but from the Bible it’s clear God is always willing to wipe the slate clean. And never forget as I mentioned before – we are ALL adulterers in God’s eyes.
This is a harsh teaching from Jesus but I think the whole point of marriage is commitment – and there is no real commitment if we feel there is always an option to bail out.